Love
Day of the Dead
For a large chunk of my life, January 2 was a holiday in my house. A day of solitude, reflection, pondering. I considered it akin to the whipping-boy of old- that if I could just get out all my self loathing, depression, inner sadness for one day, maybe the next I could put back on the game face I use for my daily life. I would allow myself one full day to wallow in anything I felt deserved it. Cry,…
Valentines Day 2022
It’s valentines day, and for the first time in forever, I feel like I’ve got nothing to say. I’m wordless. Every emotion expressed, every heart beat explained. Between my recent trial with going silent, and just getting older, I think I look forward to being a more quiet man. That said, life isn’t about learning that new thing, it’s about re-experiencing and re-learning those core basic truths that make life what it is. When it comes to my love, my…
My amazing wife
I have an amazing wife. I’ve always known this. Before we were married, before we had dated- I knew she was the one for me, the only one I’d ever want. And while there’s a great many things in life I regret or have done poorly, I’m sure proud of my ability to pick the most amazing woman ever. This recent time, with Baby Maddie running our lives, has been interesting, because I’m discovering even more new ways that my…
Musings on six weeks in
I’ve prayed to die more times than I can count. From about 14 or 15 onward, I’ve been praying somewhere between 20-200 times per day to die. I pray it as a song, in words, in moans. It’s been the one counterpoint in frequency to “I love you” said to my wife, and “I live to serve” said to everyone. But Maddie was born a bit over a month ago, and suddenly, once. Like not for one day, but one…